Humans are wired to connect.
Therapists call this innate drive “co-regulation.” When you’re with someone who makes you feel safe, your body responds with a cascade of calming effects. The vagus nerve signals your central nervous system that you’re in a safe space, which lowers your heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormones. This physical reaction even resonates with your etheric body, aligning chakras like your heart, sixth, and fifth, resulting in a sense of calm, clarity, and openness.
On the flip side, when you feel threatened or isolated, your vagus nerve sends a distress signal. Your heart rate spikes, blood pressure rises, and your body prepares for fight-or-flight. Some people might even shut down entirely, a state trauma therapists call “dorsal vagal.”
Feeling safe is crucial to our well-being.
When infants are cuddled, soothed, and loved, they experience co-regulation—and so do the adults caring for them. This positive feedback loop fuels healthy interactions and strengthens bonds.
But not everyone gets the co-regulation they need. If you grew up without consistent warmth and validation, you might find it hard to connect with others as an adult. The lack of healthy co-regulation can create deep-seated patterns of disconnection, affecting your relationships and health. Without it, stress builds, leading to chronic inflammation and potentially serious illnesses.
When connection is missing, we seek comfort in other ways, sometimes unhealthy ones. But there’s hope. You can rewire your nervous system to support connection and create meaningful relationships.
5 Simple Ways to Connect
1. Seek Safe Companions: Spend time with someone who makes you feel safe. It doesn’t have to be someone you know well, just someone you feel at ease with. You’ll start to feel that sense of belonging as you share laughs and conversations.
2. Bond with Pets: If humans feel too intimidating, start with animals. Pets offer unconditional love and are great for co-regulation. Cuddle a cat or play with a dog—it’s an instant mood boost.
Calm Your Nerves: If you’re alone, you can calm your vagus nerve with simple techniques. Slow, deep breathing is a powerful way to soothe your nervous system. Place your hand over your heart while breathing, and feel the calming effect. Gentle stretches can also help ground you in your body and shift energy.
3. Singing: Singing, or humming if you prefer, requires you to deepen and measure your breath. It also calms your vagus nerve by opening the throat chakra.
4. Walking: Walking, especially in nature, creates bilateral stimulation (right-left-right-left) and aligns your body and mind, reducing stress.
5. Get into Nature: A personal favorite of mine is “earthing,” which is a practice of making direct contact with the natural world. Walk barefoot on grass, lie in a field, or sit under a tree. Nature has a grounding effect that reduces stress and recharges your spirit.
No matter where you start, finding what makes you feel safe and connected is the key. Whether with people, pets, or nature, the goal is to calm your nervous system and re-establish a sense of belonging. So go ahead—hug a tree, play with a dog, or take a deep breath.
You deserve to feel connected and at peace.