We all feel unsafe at times in our lives, because frankly, the world can dish out some rough situations. From natural disasters to dangerous people, we can see a lack of safety wherever we look.
As children, we needed others to keep us safe and when we didn’t get that, we developed ways to soothe ourselves. Sometimes those strategies were in ways that didn’t keep you connected because disconnection was the only way out. As you read further, I want you to listen to your body. This will help you recognize where in your body you don’t feel safe because frankly, you have to identify a problem before you can fix it.
There are two ways you can notice a lack of safety. The first is in your thoughts. If your thoughts lean toward aggression, self-loathing, or judgment, you are stimulating your nervous system and sending signals that your world is not safe. Even when these thoughts are directed at others’ failings, you may be passive-aggressively (yet still aggressively) internalizing your own feelings of dislike.
These thoughts, which are framed around times you didn’t feel safe, show up in the body. Thoughts send signals from the brain to the vagus nerve and the organs this nerve communicates with. Depending on how you interpret a lack of safety, your stomach, back, chest, and even the connecting tissue in your body (that can show up in your limbs or neck) are signaling danger. These signals are now programmed pretty deeply. This makes it difficult at times to discern if you are currently safe. The experiences you are familiar with in your body might go unnoticed until you can make room and increase awareness around them.
Some ways the body registers a lack of safety are:
- Feeling out of your body or losing a sense of time
- Pain that doesn’t have a medical reason
- Agitation, general annoyance, or restlessness
- A sense of pending doom
- A sense of fear especially when you are safe
- Recurrent dreams about a past traumatic event
- Flashes of an old event
- Surges of fear or aggression when you are safe
Your body holds the key to healing and deeper guidance. So do your thoughts. Make room to notice the connection without shame. Be curious. While your body may communicate unpleasantness at times, this may be a way for you to reflect upon the messages.
Negotiating safety seems to be one of those basic human experiences we will always deal with, but we can master it. Outside of having a great trauma therapist who can help you process intense reactions from your system, you can drop down into your body in ways that befriend it. The most amazing ability you have now that you are an adult is the ability to care for yourself.